User blog:SnickersDoge/TCMMDI - Pilot
The Crack Made Me Do It Pilot OPEN ON: London eye The camera pans to the points of interest of London, then abruptly shows an alleyway. Gracie is in the alleyway. Young male penguin passes by. Gracie: Hey, want some drugs? Gracie is red-eyed from the crack she was snorting. Male penguin: Um, what will it cost me? Gracie takes a jar out of her jacket. Gracie: Depends, are you willing to actually become a crackhead, or will you just throw away this jar once you pay? Male penguin: I-I've never had drugs, my parents don't let me, I-I'm only 14! The penguin panics as if thinking Gracie will force-feed him the drugs if he doesn't buy them. Gracie: American, huh. Why are you in London? Male penguin: I'm here for a field-trip at school. I'm from Club Penguin island. O-Oh, I'm Wave Panda... Gracie: Don't worry, Wave Panda, try some crack. Adults tell kids to think drugs are bad because they let you see things and believe things that are not real. But it's pretty tasty, just have a teaspoon, at least. Gracie pulls a teaspoon out and opens the jar. She scoops some crack with the teaspoon then shuts the jar. She gets a euro bill out of her inner-pocket and rolls it up in a tube shape. She hands the teaspoon to Wave Panda. Gracie: You snort it up your nose with this euro. Just like a straw. Wave Panda reluctantly takes the euro bill, and snorts a little. He doubles over in pain, coughing and wheezing. Gracie: Yeah, that happens to everyone at first. But after a while you begin to like the feel. Wave Panda takes a couple of more snorts, before finally not making a face. Wave Panda: Wow! This stuff is great! But what about my group I lost...won't they be mad that I ditched them to snort crack? Gracie: Fuhgeddaboudit, the education of the crackheads is much more accurate. SHOW TITLES: The Crack Made Me Do It Cart Surfer theme plays, while the title slowing burns out for about 20 seconds. RETURN ON: Bomb Shop Barnes: Don't get me wrong, I love explosives, I just wish there was more to them... Gracie: Well, what about explosive crack? You really liked the crack I gave you the other day I stopped by, so why not? Barnes: Good idea! Gracie hands Barnes some crack, then he soon begins to develop explosive crack. After nearly burning up his shop, the final draft of the explosive crack is shown. Barnes: I did it! Now all I need to do is... He snorts it, then his nervous system explodes. Gracie: Woah, hey there, Buster, you okay? Barnes: Oh, yeah, my nervous system is fine. It just kind of...flinched. Like when someone claps in your face. Barnes under-exaggerated that. Gracie: Say, how about joining my recently formed group, the Crackheads? A dear friend of mine recently joined along with his acquaintance. I also happened to stumble upon two of my friends I haven't seen in a while. The shorter one joined, but the taller one didn't. He thought it was dull. The first member was a young fellow that happened to get lost from his field trip group in London. He inspired me. Barnes: Wait, a young fellow that got lost...I hope he was a college student. Gracie: No worries. His parents aren't looking for him. Barnes: You seem to be avoiding the question. Gracie: We'll all live in a hole in the ground, relocate a bunch. Best not to stay in one place and drag attention from the public. Any ideas on where to start, Bill? Barnes: It's Barnes... Gracie: Sorry, we better get all the Crackheads together to decide on a place. CAMERA PANS TO: A field next to a Chocolate Factory May gestures to the factory. May: This pile of sweet smelling makin' has a bunch of penguins willin' to buy our crack! Watson and I usually sell the crack Poko and Gary and Gracie make us there, but I gotta warn ya, the owner isn't so proud of his workers buying our products. He almost threw boiling hot chocolate at us one time when we got caught! Barnes: I'm not familiar with your guys' ways, but maybe we could set up our hole here? Then we could just relocate if they find us, I'm sure there's others willing to buy our crack. Gracie: No, I went to Poko, he claims he can foresee the future. I'm sure his visions are accurate, he predicted that'd I form the Crackheads. He also saw that I could bring my crack out from my Mind Palace. He said this is our only hope of business. Watson: I'm sorry for sounding like I've been living under a rock, but who's Poko again? I've never met him. Helmet: None of us have. Awkward silence. Gracie: Gary actually said what Poko foresaw about the future to me, he didn't actually come talk to me in person. Wave Panda: Should we... Maybe try and meet Poko? I mean, we all know that he lives on top of the Misery mountain. Watson: That doesn't answer my question. Gracie: Right, he's Scorn's son. Lord of the dragons. He is an excellent chemist. After Gary befriended him, they sort of became lab partners. After revealing to my uncle that I could magically summon my own crack, he began helping me sell it, along with Poko that'd send some of his products from the top of Misery mountain. Watson: Why haven't I heard of Poko, if he's the lord of the dragons... The lord... May pats Watson on the back. May: Don't worry, I'm not from this world either. Barnes (whispering to Gracie): I thought you said May was extremely crazy and a huge nutball. Gracie: That's only when she's exposed to crack, right now the last time I saw her snorting some of our crack was a day ago. Scary, actually, she usually takes ten snorts a minute, literally. Wave Panda: Well, we better start digging our hole, the sun's going down, and we don't want the chocolate factory owner to see us. Holiday for Strings plays. The Crackheads start with a small hole on a tiny hill all of them could fit through, then start digging under it to make multiple underground rooms. The biggest one was the entrance, where they'd just hang out and snort their drugs. The left entrance at the end of the room lead to the storage room, while the right one lead to their beds. Despite only being a shovel-dug hole, the finished hole is complete after about seven hours. Barnes: But it'll be all dusty and chalky with all the snorting and smoking...should we at least have two holes out of the den? Helmet quickly digs a hole in the bedroom. Helmet: Already done. Holiday for Strings stops. Gracie: That was a workout. Randomly snorts crack. Gracie: We better call it a night. May: I wonder how many ping pong balls would fit in here! Ping pong ball falls out of...Wave Panda's pocket(?) Wave Panda checks his pockets. A large, menacing shadow slowly pokes through the hole Helmet just dug. The ping pong ball didn't fall off of Wave Panda. It was Poko! Watson: Is that-! How did he-! Gracie: No, it's- Comedic zoom-in on the silhouette Dramatic Prairie Dog sound plays, Poko's face is illuminated by the lightning outside the hole. Watson: Huh, what's up with the ping pong balls? And why have you suddenly come, you never visit us in person. Poko: Foreseeing is quite a hobby of sightseeing! I saw you'd built a nice hole. Those ping pongs balls are my stole. Gracie: So you decide to show us what you look like once we have built our home. Plus, show us how many ping pong balls could fit in here. Poko slowly slithers in, and shakes. Ping pong balls fly everywhere from under his scales and wings. Helmet: Youza! May: Hey! Hisses Helmet: Uh-oh, she's been snorting her crack. She's crankier and crazier than a psychopath after a nap in the insane asylum! Poko: Keep her away from overdoses of crack. She shouldn't be doing it such like a snack! Barnes: So only us, not May, can snort crack normally? Poko: Yes. Success. Wave Panda to Gracie: He rhymes everything he says. I wonder how he'd spare in a rap battle, it'd be just like saying normal sentences to Poko. Gracie rolls her eyes. Poko raises his head, his eyes darting around the hole. Poko: It is fuzzy, but it has come into view. You're in trouble and it's not good, cheese fondue. Gracie: Oh yeah, he specializes in cheese making also. He loves cheese. Watson: Wait, we're in trouble? Is the Chocolate Factory owner coming? What will happen to us? Was making our base this close to the factory a really good idea? Poko: The owner Charlie. He's planning gnarly. You've underestimated him. By the way, it's pretty grim and dim. Poko squints to try and make out everything in the dark hole. Helmet: Sorry, there's only one candle in each room. It's the Dark Ages, I guess. Watson: Why no lanterns or torches? Barnes: I HATE lanterns! Gracie: Uh, there's plently of trees outside for bark for torches. By the way, who's going to clean up the ping- Before she can finish, Poko engulfs the entire hole with flames. Despite the heat, the Crackheads are fine. May: What in the hell‽ Poko: Old magic. Not tragic. The whole entire pit is suddenly cleansed of all the ping pong balls and lit up with torches. Poko: That's all. Don't brawl. You are in danger. All of you rangers. Take my word. Don't be heard. Gracie: Wait, Poko, you clearly have been keeping hidden from us for a reason. So I suspect this situation is extreme if you've decided to come out and talk to us in person for this. Poko ignores her, whirling out of the pit like an oncoming storm. Helmet: Oh, dear, now that I think about it, what if Charlie is planning the worse on us? Gracie: If he doesn't like crack, fine, but we must stand for what makes us friends. We just can't let one guy break us apart, make us stop our new living. Wave Panda: Crack everywhere, friends forever! CAMERA PANS TO: Chocolate Factory, Charlie's office Jay: Well, I guess there's only one logical option. Charlie: Right. Order me 12 sticks of dynamite at once. Jay: Righ- wait, what?! Charlie: I need these crack dealers out of my factory. I can't allow my workers to be high on the job. Speaking of my workers, I should do something about the ones that're buying the crack. Jay: Don't tell me- Charlie: Make them fill out their job applications again. And read all of it, I'm sure most of them didn't read all the rules. It's four pages. Jay: But, we don't know which workers have bought the crack. Charlie: We'll find out. I mean, it can't be hard. Jay: You need dynamite... To blow up the crack dealers' base? Charlie: Exactly. Jay: Well, can't that be charged as murder? Charlie: Not if they're doing illegal business. Jay: Charles, crack was deemed legal in all of Europe last year. Charlie: What? Jay: Recent studies from scientists have found out crack can't kill you, it just gives you hallucinations and craziness. Charlie: Still, I don't like those crack dealers, nor crack itself. I don't want my chocolate business to have red herrings! I need my chocolate making to be solid and straight-forward, no crack breaks from those sneaky dealers. No more secret buying. Jay, we need more security guards and camera watchers. Jay: Um, sure... But I can't just kidnap people off the streets to work for us. Plus, if I take any of the factory workers that make the chocolate to be guards, then we'll need more factory workers. Charlie: Advertise, then. We have a website, right? Make ads and posters for it. Put the address of our factory on them. We haven't time. ROLL CREDITS: Sherlock theme plays VOICE CAST GRACIE SOMERVILLE: EMMA WATSON WAVE PANDA: JOSH GAD BARNES: ROB PAULSEN MAY: MICHELE KNOTZ JOHN WATSON: MARTIN FREEMAN HELMET: AARON PAUL POKO: BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH JAY: MATT SMITH CHARLIE: CHRIS PRATT A BAC PRODUCTION :FINAL FADE OUT ---- This is only the pilot, so season 1 episode 1 will be the same but revised and edited. If you spotted something that is illogical and have a suggestion on how to make it better, please comment below. Also, if you don't like your voice actor (if you were featured) you can request a new voice actor. If you weren't featured, feel free to suggest a voice actor for future episodes. If your character is out of character, then please leave a nice comment. With that, just feel free to post suggestions for S1E1 below! http://images.wikia.com/awesome-dogkid/images/4/48/Bacr.png Category:Blog posts